When you left, you took everything with you
by siakhiinx3
Summary: "Hey, Zim, I hope you're okay, wherever you are." 17 year old Gaz hesitated to talk into the videocast. "This will be the last time I try to contact you... Goodbye, Zim." Little did she know, there would be no goodbye - only a much needed hello. ZAGR. Rewrite of an old fic of mine.
1. Distractions

Hey, you beautiful people. It's Sia. 4 years ago, I wrote a fic titled "When you left, you took everything with you," I got an overwhelming amount of love for it, but I unfortunately had to discontinue it. Here we are, 4 years later! The reasons for my discontinuation are long gone. And this is exactly the same story, but written a thousand times better, and will be a thousand times longer, sadder, sexier, just overall _better. _If you want the original document, drop me a message and I'll gladly give it to you. Overall, I hope old readers come across this and I hope the new readers enjoy it. I miss so many of you. Please enjoy! I don't enjoy getting flamed to a crisp but I take criticism and use it well. **_I do not own Invader Zim, the awesome Jhonen Vasquez does._**

_[Do not flame me for this being ooc... take to heart that this is in the future. I'm creating my own world within this universe. That's the point of a fic.] **Cover link on my profile.**_

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Warm blood rushed to my face, gradually getting hotter with every thought that I had. I'm pretty sure I looked like a sick puppy at the moment, but that didn't matter to me. Not now. I slammed my being into my computer chair and brushed everything off of it. My monitor, upon other things, went tumbling to the ground. _He_ is the only one that could do this to me. I lose any regard I have for my personal belongings when I think of him. _Damn, you. _I heaved Dib's ton of an alien obsession onto my desk, banging it in various places until it came on. I'd have to do this quick, or he would notice it was gone. Then I wouldn't hear the end of it.

Dib had put a lock on _his _ship's space based satellite signal since I last attempted this. But, I easily got past it. _Ever predicable as always… stupid Dwib_. I brought up his alien coordinates and hit record on the video-cast a little bit too soon. There was no going back now. I opened my eyes wide, avoiding eye contact with the camera. I looked down at my knees and clutched them tight – my fingernails digging into my skin. You'd think that after all the time's I've done this, I'd be used to it by now… but every time feels like the very first.

"Hey, Zim," I began, but, as expected, found it extremely hard to continue. "It's Gaz! Heh," _Of course it's me, he can already see that._ "How're things…?" I hesitated to ask. I didn't want to know… he could be dead for all I know. I finally looked up into the camera and shook my head a bit before looking back down at my nails – I was drawing blood. "I know you'll probably never see this, but," I swallowed hard and rested my hands on my desk. "I hope you're okay. Wherever you might be." I snapped out of my trance and stood up, my fingers only inches away from ending the recording.

No. There was something else I _needed_ to say. I looked at the screen and saw nothing but white noise… where he was supposed to be.

"I miss you," I muttered, finding it hard to speak now. I shook it off, regardless of how bad I wanted to cry. "Never mind," I said, smiling. "I guess this is goodbye, for good. I won't be trying to contact you anymore," I began, "Dib's moronic alien computer is too hard for me to use." I ended with a slight chuckle. That was a poor excuse. Taking a deep breath before looking into the camera again, I froze and my heart wrenched. "Goodbye, Zim."

With that, I stopped it and pondered the thought if I should sent it or not. I did… I had to.

I broke into silent tears. I hadn't tried to contact him in a year. **A YEAR.** It took _everything_ in me to stay away from Dib's computer. _EVERYTHING!_ I would play video games for _hours _just to keep my mind away from it. I would scream, cry, and scratch my arms hundreds of times until it bled, just so I had the task of cleaning it up. I can't even begin to deal with Dib's junk if my skin is bleeding, right?

Zim had left the night I turned fifteen. But, why? We had just started to know each other. The way he hated my own species; the way _I _hated my own species. This was one of the big reasons I started talking to him. Not to mention, at fourteen, I thought he was totally hot with his eyes, his voice, and the way he was somehow getting taller than everybody else in Skool. "Come on, Gaz," I laughed, "you don't sound like yourself." I was fourteen and attracted to anything but filthy humans. _Anything. _It took me just a few short seconds to realize I wasn't myself anymore. I hadn't been for a _long_ time.

I had beaten _all_ of my video games, over and over again, and I would beat any new ones I purchased almost the same day.

I had stopped cutting my hair. It was also no longer a deep shade of purple, but reduced to a weird shade of lavender.

I had isolated myself even more than I ever have in my entire life. The thought of interaction of any kind made me ill.

I was getting bad grades in Skool. Well… never mind, there's no change there, honestly.

I stopped talking to Dib, completely. I only talked to him when I absolutely HAD to.

I even stopped going to school completely. I'd only go for important tests that I'd inevitably fail.

I'd sleep all day, sometimes all night, and I'd starve myself to the point where I'd make myself sick.

"Come on, Gaz!" I shouted at myself. "It was just _Zim. _You need to get over this!" I angrily shut Dib's junk and ran it back to his room. How dare I let some stupid alien to this to me? I don't even know how I let myself feel this way in the first place. It just _happened._

When I entered his room and threw the computer on his bed, he made an extremely shocked expression. As he pointed at my weirdly, mouth agape, I chuckled inside. It reminded me of the first time he saw Zim. _Crap. _"YOU… TOOK…"

"Yes, yes, I took your stupid computer again. Don't bug me for the rest of the night, okay?" I slammed his door and made my way back to my room. I wouldn't talk to Dib for another three days, at most. That evening, when I let my head fall onto my cold pillow, I stared out into the snowy sky and fell asleep. I would have a dream that night, and it would drive me to the point of insanity. I'd kill someone, and _I _could probably be my target.

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There you have it! I pray to the Tallest some old readers find this, and I hope you smile at the familiarity. Most importantly, I thank ALL of you!


	2. Consumption

Ah, another chapter. I'm so happy I decided to pick this back up. I'm so friggin' excited to where it's gonna go. In the mean time, I've been out of the loop with Invader Zim, so I'm gonna go re-watch the series again, for about the twentieth time. Man, I miss this show. It had so much potential! By the way, if you read anything in this chapter and you're like... da fuck? Go read Gaz on the Invader Zim Wiki :) Thank you for the reviews. I forgot how nice it was to have them! You'll also notice a pen-name change; **siafaniax3 **to **siakhiinx3. **Yes, this was absolutely necessary. I googled myself and I guess my pen-name is tied to some idiotic embarrassing b/s. Thank you for taking my name and using it for that, jackass.

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_"Happy Birthday, Gaz," a familiar voice softly whispered in my ear. I felt warm puffs of air enter my ear canal and it gave my entire body goose bumps. I then, felt fingers… claws… slide their way down my arm and onto my stomach, tracing unfamiliar but light patterns on my flesh. "Goodbye, Gaz," they whispered even softer, hesitation, almost a hint of sadness in their voice. That was it. With a blast of cold air, and a few cute beeps in the distance, they vanished. Gone._

I flew out of bed in complete shock. The birds chirping echoed in my head and pierced my ears like daggers as I felt tears roll down my face, heaving for air to fill my lungs. It was him. It was _Zim. _He… he _did_ say goodbye. I've been wallowing around in so much anger and pain for two years – all because I thought he didn't say goodbye! I thought he just packed up and left. I felt like, the short times we were around each other, I suffocated him. I thought he hated me. It wasn't a dream, it was a memory. I could remember everything that happened that night. For a moment, I felt light strokes across my skin where Zim resided his claws, but they quickly faded away. The feeling was so brief, but I longed to have it back more than anything. How the _fucking hell_ could I forget that!?

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, kicking and punching anything my limbs could reach, but they weren't touching anything. _What the-huh? -oof! _The room grew quiet and I hit the floor. I hit it hard, most notably the back of my head. Dark purple light swirled around my body as I cradled my head in my hands, the flood gates threatening to be unleashed. My vision grew fuzzy as I tried to focus on the lights. The more I tried, the more my head hurt. "Ugh," groaning, I gently laid my head on the floor and took a deep breath.

Zim was there. On my eyelids, in my head, in my ears. He was everywhere. The alien was humming some beautiful medley and it had me in a trance. I let a small smile slide across my lips, banishing the thought of this being an hallucination. "Zim," my voice softened. Damn, I wish I didn't scream that hard. My throat was on fire.

My eyes flew open. Zim was gone. The light was gone.

The amazing calm I had evaporated and was quickly replaced with my usual anger and hatred. I wanted to hurt someone. I wanted to hurt myself... _again..._

Instead, I got dressed and lazily put my makeup on for the day – looking forward to having some cereal with my fun-filled-day of thoughts. I quietly walked downstairs and over to the cupboard. Suspenseful music started playing in my head as I reached my hand inside. Everyone knew how mad I would get if all the cereal was gone and an empty box remained inside. I felt a box, pulled it out, shook it, and then threw it in the trash. I took a deep breath before running outside and shoving my fists into the snow… then, that's when the screaming happened.

"My day is so _RUINED," _I harshly whispered to myself and clenched my fists. I KNEW Dib was the one who left the box inside of the cabinet, and he would pay. Somehow. At the moment, I couldn't think, so I decided to walk to… _that spot…_ "No, Gaz, turn around right now," I whispered as I found myself walking towards it. I couldn't stop.

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**Video message from ****_'Dib Membrane'_**** – would you like to view it now?**

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My birthday was in a week – I would be turning eighteen. _I'd give anything to skip it._ It would mark the third anniversary of Zim leaving earth. Zim's absence didn't just take its toll on me – Dib was affected, too. Yeah, he hated Zim with every fiber of his being. But he made him feel like he wasn't… I don't know… crazy. When Zim left, his mind blew into pieces. Now-and-then, he goes on full mental breakdowns and asks me if it was all real. I've gotten so sick of it, that I just ignore him. There are only so many times I can smack my brother across the face to bring him to his senses. After minutes of thinking and not paying any attention to where I was going, I looked up and a memory hit me like a brick to the face.

"_GIR! Bring me the equipment box. We have a long hike ahead of us."_

_I groaned at the sight of the huge hill in front of me. "I don't wanna walk up this! That means I'd have to… have to use my muscles!"_

"_Silly Gaz," Zim laughed, his secret hidden four legs popping out of his pak. "Gir will be giving you a lift," he said as he took the box from Gir. Zim was exceptionally taller – he didn't look like an ant with mutant legs anymore. His feet were maybe five off of the ground now._

_Gir suddenly scooped me up from behind, getting a rather large yelp out of me. In no time, we were off up the hill. The constant giggling from Gir and the screams from me made Zim laugh uncontrollably as he made his way up the mountain. "He will pay," I whispered, obviously not mad, but obviously meaning it._

Holding back fear, I swallowed hard and hiked, crawled, ran, and walked my way up the mountain. The burning from my legs caused me to collapse, but thankfully, I was just a crawl away from the very top. When I finally stood up, I awed at the view. I could see the entire town – including my house – and where Zim used to live. I could see the huge gaping hole in the ground from where his labs used to be. The two apartments Zim's quarters attached itself to had collapsed upon his descent, almost filling the hole completely.

"_Finally," I huffed out as Gir laid me down in a not-so-graceful manner. It was good to have my feet back on the ground._

_Zim followed shortly behind me. Gir kept telling him to set them off and Zim responded by telling him to shut up or he'd ruin it. "Are these… fireworks?"_

_"Hmm? Fireworks? Oh, yes! Fireworks," he said. "That's what you humans call them? Stupid if you ask me," I heard him mumble. "We must stand back. These, um… fireworks… aren't exactly safe." Zim lit the fuse then immediately jumped back, throwing out his arms, bringing me down with him. I yelped then opened my eyes to find him staring into mine. The sound of the fuse burning echoed in my head as his dark pink eyes bored into my soul, sending me into a trance. Stupid alien. Would I normally let someone do that? Hell no. But I couldn't pull away for some reason._

_My lips grew closer and closer to his, chaos burning through my mind. Gaz, what the hell? My conscience kept yelling at me. Pull yourself together! PUSH HIM AWAY FROM YOU! "If you wanna keep your limbs, Zim, you will get off of me. Now."_

_We both jumped when the sound of the 'fireworks' started going off. He jumped off of me and I backed up onto my knees. I stared into the dark clouds as sparks flew in a straight line into the air and exploded, red and orange fire roaring through the black sky. More went off and sent purple and black fire into the air. What the hell was I looking at? It was beautiful none-the-less._

"_Gaz-human, you are experiencing my next brilliant plan to-,"_

"_Take over the world?" I interrupted, regretting it when a look of paranoia spread across his face. It was unusual. What other things does Zim think about, other than taking over the world?_

_He shook his head, "Yes, of course." I could tell he was lying... but why?_

"_Ah," I said and put my hands flat on the ground behind me, holding my body up. "Good luck with that."_

_He laughed which sent Gir laughing along. "Zim needs no luck, little Gaz. But, I guess I shall offer my thanks." I nodded and laughed sarcastically, staring into the sky before pulling out my GameSlave._

The events of that evening were just a few short hours before he left. I dusted snow off a nearby rock and sat on it, leaning over, holding my head in my hands. Zim was stupid. Five years on earth - he didn't even come close to destroying it _once. _'Gaz! Aren't you afraid Zim is going to destroy mankind? Gaz! Gaz! Zim is trying to kill us all! GAZ!' The answer was no. He was too bad at it. Zim was as much of a threat to mankind as... well... embarrassing, but, he was _no_ threat. Then there is Dib. _Stupid. Dwib. _The alien and my stupid brother both had a knack for being in my light. Dib made Zim scream. Zim made Dib scream. Nag nag, bicker bicker. I could never get anything done peacefully.

_So, why, Gaz,_ I asked myself. _Why do you let this stupid alien consume you?_


End file.
